5.23.13

Im sitting next to jocks and theyre talking about college and their plans and its so adorable lol.

5.21.13 pt.2

also for my research paper, i’m doing oleanna and luckily, we did an essay on it already so she said I can use it and develop it more yay.

5.21.13

so I know this girl and she had a pregnancy scare a few times. her and her bf are juniors and they obviously are not educated enough if they thought they were ready to take care of baby.
babies cost a lot. diapers cost a lot. formula costs a lot. checkups cost a lot. everything costs a lot.

i’m quite positive neither of their families can afford it.

yet, she’s pro-life and her reasoning is “because it’s bad” because you’re “killing a baby”.

okay, I remember when I used to be against abortion cuz my parents etched it into my brain but then I thought about it and if I was pregnant in my teens, fuck yeah i’d get an abortion.

god, and despite me saying how the baby would suffer whether she took care of it or she put it up for adoption, she was just like “but it’s bad”. like, she didn’t defend it, she just said it’s bad. I don’t even think she knows why people say it’s bad, she just knows that it’s bad cuz someone told her.

sighpie but I can’t like force my opinion onto her. sighpie.. suffering babies ):

5.20.13 pt.3

I don’t think couples think about breaking up. they might think about how it’ll “never happen” or if it does then they don’t know how to function.

I think about it and how very possible it is and it makes me a bit sad. well, it usually happens when me and him are having a really good time doing whatever it is we do, and then it hits me that it won’t always be like this and that’s okay, but it still makes me sad.

5.20.13 pt.2

also, I heard this thing, and it’s not optimistic and false hope, it’s just true, I think, for me. well, maybe true isn’t the right word lol but I like it and I shall keep it in mind.

Rough seas make good sailors, calm seas don’t.

or something like that..

but when coach wrote my brother a rec letter, that’s what she put, and I like it.

I mean, it shouldn’t affect me to a point where I choose to be a doctor and while i’m struggling through school, i’m like “rough seas make good sailors, clam seas don’t.” lol.

but I shouldn’t expect things to be easy.

if nursing is easy, i’m gonna be a little worried for our health system lol.

but anyways, I like that.

5.20.13

so, I came home from tryouts, knocked out, woke up at 11:30 ish and haven’t started on research paper or core scholarship .. yay.

anyways, I need to sort of rant again about the subject of “forever.”

so marvin’s brother and his gf got into a fight and now she hates him because blah blah blah and she said how she told him from the start she can be a single mother blah blah so basically she doesn’t wanna be with him. his brother on the other hand, after hanging up the phone, told marvin how inside, his ex actually wants someone to love her and stuff so she still wants him so he’s still gonna try. don’t get me wrong, his brother is one of the sweetest people I know but anyways.

marvin was telling me all about it and marvin was like :khuyen. I love you so much more now and I respect you more too.

and I asked why and he was like “you think a lot about things and you’re very realistic. because of you, i’m hearing my brother talk and i’m just glad that i’m not like that talking about forever or whatever”

and that made me feel very nice because from the start, I told him I can’t give him that loveydovey relationship, I mean, It is sometimes haha, but it’s not like the movies, and I felt bad cuz I feel like everyone should at least experience that sappy love story and get their heartbroken and cry over it for a bit lol, but he skipped that so from the start, we were expecting it to end. I told him that it’s more likely that we’ll break up so there’s no point in believing it’s gonna last forever. if it does, then it does. why waste our time filling each other’s heads with promises we can’t keep yknow? so he was saying how he’s really glad I enforced the concept of contingency into our relationship and never let him forget how contingent shit is (that sounds terrible lol) but idk, I feel like we make better use of our time just enjoying ourselves. sure we talk about the future, but I feel like by saying forever, we’re promising a lot more than we can keep. and i’m not pessimistic to the point where i’m like, no. don’t talk about tomorrow LOL. I hope it’ll last, we both do, but if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. and we joke around. like, I was saying how when me and him get old and pruny, we’llbe mean to each other and i’ll take his dentures out from his solution or something like that hahah.

anyways, there’s no point in talking about forever.

I slightly pity the girls that believe strongly in it. maybe boys do too, but they usually say it to keep the girl and they feel like they have to.

I used to be like that. but i’m glad I’ve learned from my past relationships and that i’m here now.

I am very upset.

I shouldn’t be upset because it’s never worth my time but i’m upset.

so drill team tryouts. it was okay. Katie didn’t do shit. but it’s okay cuz that doesn’t affect the captain decision anyways hehehee. but still, Katie is so useless. and while we were in the dance room and her boyfriend was there, she kept walking around holding hands with him.. like, wth. we’re at tryouts and you’re gonna include your boyfriend like that? whatever.

anyways, I was really good at being bad. like, usually, my kicks are one of the highest and today, it was like,barely table top lol. anyways, I was extra good at being bad with angles lol.

ANYWAYS THE REASON WHY I’M UPSET is because when we got into a circle to introduce ourselves, Katie was like “okay. say your name how old you are blah blah and if you have a boyfriend” FIRST OF ALL, whether or not you have a boyfriend is irrelevant to this. you shouldn’t be defined by your boyfriend so why are you letting it be part of your self description? second of all, I even raised my hand to say it, why do you assume every girl has a boyfriend? if you ask, then say significant other or something. what made me upset was Katie was like “oihmygod here we go again” while asia “was like, well yeah and I guess we just have to try and get used to saying significant other if we ask”

basically, Katie is the embodiment of stupid people and is the reason why I hate them. I feel stupid letting one person make me want to leave high school but srsly, if you spent a day with her, you’d be like me too.

also, the only reason why she mentioned the boyfriend thing is because after a long time, her ass finally got a boyfriend. i’m actually shocked she has one because all the past ones stopped liking her cuz she’s so self absorbed and thinks everyone loves her.

and one of the girls added us on facebook and one of her statuses is like “I feel like such a loner, all the girls on chs drill team have boyfriends except me” and Katie posted it saying how cute it was. okay. I don’t know if you realize this but that isn’t “cute” or a “good” thing. you might think you’re bringing people closer by talking about boys but your stupid ass obviously doesn’t realize it separates people too. it makes girls without boyfriends feel bad when they shouldn’t.

i’m trying to not cause conflict so I didn’t say anything about how irrelevant it is to talk about boyfriends when introducing yourself. ALSO, people were like “I don’t have a boyfriend” and Katie was like “not yetttt”. okay. you live a very pathetic life. I mean, I have been there I guess, but still, you live a pathetic life if you feel like people want/need a boyfriend. I mean, I encourage dating because I think it’s a good experience, even if the results aren’t great but dating/coupling provides an experience that friendships don’t provide and I think it’s good to learn from but to say it almost as though every girl needs a boyfriend is stupid.

god, and Katie and a few other dt girls were like “we’re open to everything blaah” and they meant homosexuals I guess but it’s like, okay, if you support it, then tell me why you guys refuse to even try to change certain phrases and whatnot. I’ve tried explaining this entire semester all the little things and how certain phrases or behaviors impact other things and they, mostly Katie, just blow it off. she apparently supports homosexuals, except she continues to say heteronormative shit and she did the DoS so she didn’t have to talk in class, and she says things are “gay”.

ugh.